Love for the Cold-Blooded Or: The Part-Time Evil Minion’s Guide to Accidentally Dating a Superhero by Alex Gabriel
Series: Stand Alone
Source: Review by Request
Copy provided by the Author
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Superheroes. Evil minions. And one hell of a conflict of interest.
Being related to a supervillain isn’t a big deal to Pat West. So what if his mom occasionally tries to take over the world? All Pat wants is to finish university and become an urban designer. That he moonlights as an evil minion sometimes – that’s just a family tradition.
Then Pat accidentally sleeps with superhero Silver Paladin, otherwise known as reclusive billionaire Nick Andersen. It’s a simple misunderstanding. Pat never means to impersonate a prostitute, honest. But soon Pat is in way over his head, and threatening to fall for the worst possible guy.
When Pat’s mother returns to bring the world to its knees, Silver Paladin races to stop her… and all of Pat’s secrets threaten to blow up in his face. How can Pat reconcile being a minion with wanting a hero? Will Nick’s feelings for Pat overcome what keeps them apart? Or will they both lose everything?
“Love for the Cold-Blooded” is a light-hearted jaunt through a world of superheroes and villains, android dolphins, mind control rays, eldritch artifacts stolen from the tombs of ancient gods, and young men loving not wisely, but well.
I LOVED THIS BOOK
“I’m adorable, dude. A total dazzler. We talked about this, remember?”
I loved every page of this story; every single ridiculous moment…
I want to wrap myself up in this story like a warm fuzzy blanket!
It was silly – without being overly absurd…
It was romantic – without being sappy…
Just normal guys in extraordinary circumstances…
Plus a lot of hot, sexy, sweaty moments 🙂
This book somehow managed to take a story about heroes and villains and turn it into a tale about regular people doing regular things… with um… ya know… interesting day jobs 🙂
This is a world where showdowns between beings with superpowers are as ubiquitous as the Starbucks on the corner. Super Heroes and their dreaded rivals have constant throw downs, and the general population has gotten pretty used to ducking and covering when someone with a cape shows up…
Pat snorted. “If only you knew how wrong you are. See, the entire world is populated by these really weird dudes, and I’m the only normal one. Nobody but me ever seems to get that.”
Full Time College Student,
Part Time Minion,
Pat is the black-sheep of the family… He’s the youngest child of the Dreaded Serpentissima – a snake woman known for her plots of world domination… But to Pat and his three older sisters, she’s just Mom… She was out conquering the world but still made it home for family dinners. She plotted elaborate schemes but tucked her kids in at night… She even checked under their beds to make sure no super heroes (or Hoagies) were lurking under there.
See, it all depends on what side you’re on. Admittedly, Pat’s perspective is a little more skewed than you’re average college student. All three of his older sisters are following in their mother’s villainous (or Challenger) footsteps, but Pat is studying to be an Urban Planner. Makes since really, when you consider that every other day a skirmish between Hoagies and Challengers breaks out and the resulting mayhem levels a building or two…
But hey, Pat’s family has accepted (mostly) the fact that he has no interest in entering the family business, and even though he has to pull ‘minion duty’ every now and then, everyone pretty much supports his boring lifestyle.
He’s just a normal college student – going to frat parties, striking out with hot guys, wearing flannel, using the word ‘Dude’ entirely too often… Oh, and he’s working a night job to make ends meet… and that’s exactly where the trouble starts…
Nick was bad with people and had weird habits and questionable opinions, but he was terribly good and heroic at his core, all selfless and noble and shit. It was pretty disgusting, actually…
Part Time Super Hero,
Nick is the kind of genius billionaire that pretty much stays in his giant mansion working on superhero things. His only social interactions occur when talking to his house’s AI program, or making grand superhero speeches in front of city hall. As a result, the man has zero social skills.
Sure, Silver Paladin (Nick’s superhero alter ego) is one of the best and brightest hoagies around, but without the costume, he’s just a nerd.
Ok… An incredibly hot nerd…
Ok… An incredibly hot, kind of adorable, totally rich nerd…
Pat managed to get a job as the night manager of Anderson’s estate – nothing nefarious, Pat needed the cash, the hours worked with his class schedule, and the AI pretty much runs the entire house, so there’s lots of time for Pat to study.
Pat has been spending his shifts quietly studying in the night-kitchen with barely a peep from the rich, neurotic dude that owns the place – Pat makes the guy’s 2AM perfectly symmetrical pizza and that’s about it… Until one night…
One night the AI gets a new request to “send up a guy” – not knowing WTF Nick wants, Pat puts down his books and enters the secret lab of Silver Paladin… Poor Pat had no idea how he got so lucky – finally getting to see the awesome lab that only a billionaire genius scientist could create… and the fact that said scientist begins undressing and tells Pat to do the same…
Who in their right mind would turn down all those lickable abs?
Not Pat, that’s for sure….
This wasn’t the kind of thing that happened in real life; bizarre and unlikely misunderstandings like this were the stuff of straight-to-DVD romantic comedies. Plus, Pat? Pat of all people? Who on earth would mistake Pat for a hooker?
Silver Paladin, apparently…
Pat’s mind might have been clouded by several layers of lust, but the guy isn’t stupid. He figures out that when Nick asked the AI to “send up a guy” he really meant send up a hooker, and ta-da Patrick showed up.
Not a bad arrangement really – I mean, Pat would have sex with Nick for free!
Eventually our boys graduate to dating like normal human beings…
Well, as normal as these two can possibly be…
The result will make you laugh, make you smile, and give you the warm fuzzies.
“You’re blond,” Andersen said abruptly. “Also, you’re short.”
“Wow, rude much?” Rich people really did think they were an entirely different species, didn’t they. “For your information, I’m 1.78, which is considerably above average. You, on the other hand, are freakishly tall. But good call on the hair. Stellar observational skills there. I can tell the tales of your intellectual prowess aren’t exaggerated at all.”
Andersen gave a disgusted snort, like he was being the bigger man or something. “Never mind, it’s fine. What’s your name?”
The inept way Andersen was leading the conversation was actually pretty amusing. Obviously the dude didn’t get out much, at least not when he wasn’t dressed all in silver and wrapped in glittery force fields. Gallivanting around smashing things didn’t give you much of a chance to hone your social skills, looked like. “Pat. Pat West. Actually Patrick West, but I like Pat, you know? Everyone calls me Pat. Most of the time I don’t even feel like people are talking to me when they call me —”
“Pat,” Andersen said, in exactly the same kind of flat tone he might have used for shut up. “My name is Nicholas.”
“Yeah, I know. Nick.”
That netted him another ‘if I was pyrokinetic I would set you on fire with my mind, and if you bug me some more I will spontaneously evolve to become pyrokinetic by sheer force of will’ stare. “Nicholas.”
No nicknames, huh. Pat might (or might not) have rolled his eyes the tiniest bit. He suspected he needed a bit more practice at the ‘serving humbly and invisibly’ part of this job, but in his defense, Andersen — Nicholas — was making it pretty difficult to take him seriously. Pat’s parents had taught him better than to take superheroes seriously anyway, and right now, wearing that vaguely confused, vaguely pissy expression, the man looked constipated more than anything. It was neither a very imposing nor a very heroic look.
Of course, Pat supposed superheroes got constipated just like everyone else. It just wasn’t the kind of thing you usually associated with them. Unlike awesome powers and booming voices and bulging muscles, and being all one-dimensional, judgy and prone to blasting first and asking questions later.
Anyway. Pat rallied and tried a pleasant smile, gathering himself into an agreeable nod. “Sure thing, bro.” Clearly Andersen — Nicholas, whatever — was never going to get to the point if left to his own devices, so Pat would have to step in and help him along. “So, Nicholas. What can I do for you?”
Apparently, the answer to that was ‘stand right there while I take off my sweatshirt, my t-shirt and then my jeans, and in case you were wondering, yes I do work out a lot, thank you for noticing’.
“Uhm,” said Pat. The bulging muscles stereotype clearly existed for a reason, although ‘bulging’ was kinda the wrong word. Pat would have chosen ‘perfectly sculpted’. You know, if anyone had asked.
“Well?” said Nicholas.
Which — was that him asking? It certainly looked like the guy was expecting a comment of some kind, considering he was standing there in his boxers, staring at Pat as though Pat was the one behaving like a confirmed nutcase.
‘Perfectly sculpted’ jumped to the tip of Pat’s tongue. He bit it back just in time. No need to give Silver Paladin’s civilian alter ego a swelled head. Gorgeous broad shoulders and ridiculously lickable abdominal muscles notwithstanding.
Pat hmmed thoughtfully, trying hard to look unimpressed, as though people suddenly threw off their clothes around him all the time. “Not bad, I guess. Congratulations on the abs. Nice home gym and personal trainer.”
Honestly, Pat hated to admit it on principle, but the man seriously deserved to be congratulated for — well, his everything, basically. For all his faults, he sure wasn’t hard on the eyes. Pat couldn’t be blamed if his attention caught a little on the subtle trail of hair beginning just beneath Nicholas’s navel, leading the eye down over his perfectly flat stomach to where his boxers obscured the view. Or the vague outline visible beneath his underwear’s soft fabric. Or the long, lean line of his legs. Or…
When Pat managed to drag his gaze up to the man’s face again, Nicholas was rolling his eyes. Seriously? Dude, spontaneously undress in front of a guy and even crazy rich superheroes had to expect a little ogling.
Still, in a way, Pat’s familiarity with that particular expression — caught halfway between complete exasperation and reluctant amusement — was almost comforting. Familiar and comforting, in fact, in exactly the way the next words out of the man’s mouth were not. “Are you going to have sex with me or what?”
“Yes,” said Pat’s mouth, completely without intervention from higher brain functions.
An Interview with Alex Gabriel
Sell your book in five words or less:
Superhero. Evil Minion. A tricky romance.
(I’m going to declare “evil minion” one word here. Ahem.)
What kind of research did you do to prepare for writing this book?
I already knew about android dolphins, mind control rays and eldritch artefacts, so most of my research for this particular story was fairly prosaic. As I remember, it was mostly information on serving the very wealthy, the lifestyles of the rich and famous, expensive gourmet food, urban planning, studying urban planning, the graveyard shifts and pastry policies of coffee shops, and the sleeping habits of snakes.
I’m actually a little disappointed in myself. Next time I must make sure to research bondage equipment, particle physics and serial killers again!
What is your favorite quote or moment from this story?
My favorite moment is the first meeting between Pat and Nick, because they are so nonplussed by each other, and manage to completely misunderstand just about everything – but still connect on a level deeper than the physical for all of that.
As for my favorite quote, I’ll have to go with a chapter titles here, because I had such fun coming up with them. It’s tough picking a favorite, but:
Remember: Anyone worth doing is worth doing right.
If you were offered the chance to turn this book into a Hollywood movie, would you take that opportunity?
In a heartbeat! I’d insist on having casting veto power, though, because I don’t think I could bear it if Tom Cruise played Silver Paladin.
Alex Gabriel is giving away copies of this fantastic novel to THREE lucky Smutsonian readers! Enter here:
About the Author:
It all began when Alex learned to decipher the alphabet and found that the world was full of wonderful stories — but not all of them were being told. In self-defence, Alex began to write, and hasn’t stopped since.
In between a busy schedule of reading and writing, Alex has worked as a copywriter, a translator, an English teacher, a linguistics tutor, an alibi S.O., a soap maker, a cloakroom attendant, a bartender, and other such things. Only the jobs that involve writing have stuck.
Alex writes about socially awkward gay superheroes in love with smart-ass dudebro minions, cops undercover in gay bars (or rather gay BDSM clubs run by the mafia), Japanese pop stars blindsided by their inconvenient attraction to irritating, punning dorks, and more. Stay tuned for demigods, devils, yet more mafiosi… and many other things besides.